Apathy: an absence of emotion or enthusiasm
Lately I've been feeling really apathetic. I don't know what has gotten into me, but I've had no desire to be in my Word, pray ferverantly, or even wake up in the morning. The passion has burned away, and the doubts and fears that have sprung up like weeds in a beautiful garden, scare me. I don't like doubting. I don't like this lack of enthusiasm.
Why is it that I'm not living like I'm dying? I have been taking every day for granted, making it all about me.
Why is that my "salt" has become bitter? I need to constantly look back at my actions and really evaluate who I am, and check to see if it is aligned with the woman God wants me to be.
Why is it that I don't give out of my heart anymore? Now instead of giving openly and non-compromising, I make excuses for myself saying I deserve it, hinder what I want to stay, and do chores with complaining.
Dear Abba, Father,
I'm sorry for acting very lukewarm lately. Father, I've experienced what it is like to conform to the world- and I don't want that. I want to live everyday to it's potential. Help me to furfill Your Will no matter how hard it is. Papa, I know every thing I do is in Your Will, but there are some things going on right now that I don't understand. Help me to continually trust in You, for You are my Sheperd. Papa, I know I get my wants and needs mixed up a lot. Please help me lower myself and exalt others, glorifing Your Name. Strip me of my shame, banish away my apathy. Help me love like You have loved me. I love You Papa and I want You to be glorified.
In Your Name, Amen.
3 comments:
Hi Julia,
I can relate sometimes, what's great right now for me though, is that I've started reading my bible and doing devotions and I feel better then I have in a long time. I'll pray that you get more enthusiastic (I know that sounds like an odd thing to pray for.) ;)
Hi Julia,
I can relate sometimes, what's great right now for me though, is that I've started reading my bible and doing devotions and I feel better then I have in a long time. I'll pray that you get more enthusiastic (I know that sounds like an odd thing to pray for.) ;)
You are such a strong girl. I love how you always yearn for more even in a season of despear. I know God will heal every bone in your body, and get you back on your feet. Julia, thank you for being transparent all the time. That is a true quality of God in you.
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