behind every smile...

I've heard it been said, "Behind every smile is a story." If this is true, then my smiles have quite a story to tell. Some people would call it an over climaxed events of my life, I call it a simple love story between the Creator of the universe and beyond, and me, a sinner who was saved by grace.

If you judge me by my mere appearances, you won't see much. I don't have a Megan Fox body, or Pink's hair. I'll admit that sometimes my highest fashion choices are a simple shirt and blue jeans. My hair doesn't always cooperate, and I wear glasses.  But there's something more that we can't miss. It's about the inside that counts. As Ronny Roa says,"When you make a practical life change, you can make a passionate world change."

My smile's story isn't a story where you'd cry for hours on end, but it's not a dry one either. It all started, well, when I was born. I was born premature and a C-section baby. But for time being, let's skip the gory details. In 6th grade, I remember being very insecure of who I was. Growing up, I had certain friends in my life who weren't the best examples, and they'd constantly tell me that I was ugly and fat and not talented. It broke me inside, and the effects of it led into a lot of brokenness for me. There were days when I'd cry because I didn't feel pretty enough. I'd try all these crazy things to make me feel pretty, like glitter on my face. It didn't help because of course,  I was allergic to it. I tried doing cuter hairstyles, painting my nails, finding better outfits...but I wasn't satisfied. To sum it up, I was filling my troubles with something temporary, instead of swallowing my pride and admitting to God that I couldn't do this myself.

Don't get me wrong, it's okay if you like to look pretty, but the point is was that I was doing it for the wrong motives. Before I truly accepted Christ into my heart, I was trying to do a list of good deeds to somehow fill the emptiness inside. I'd work harder, but it was all meaningless, like chasing after the wind. Recently, a lot of hard things have been happening in our lives: sister getting cancer, people that my family know dying,  and the list goes on. You'd think that those events would teach me that I needed God, but still I was being ignorant. But then God came into my life, and if I tried to explain it, it wouldn't make sense. It's something you have to experience by yourself to realize just how divine His love and grace is. I'm still messed up, and by no means am I better than anyone,but God is taking my brokenness and filling that much needed hole in my life and helping me begin the healing process.

I suppose my story is a lot like Beauty and the Beast. I became the Beast because of my selfishness, but God came into my heart. At first I was hostile towards him. I didn't want anything to do with God. But God kept loving me, and soon, I found myself drawn to Him. He worked in my life, and before you know it, I became transformed by His Spirit, and into His arms I commit my spirit.

There comes a point in everyone's life where you just need to let go and let God work in us. I needed to do the same. I told God how I felt.  I told Him that I was upset at everything going on, and in the midst of my crazy mess I felt peace. God moves through us in amazing ways. While all this was going on, God used me and helped me endure. This blog has helped my walk with Christ in so many ways. I know some posts are more depressing then others, and that is because while I was going through everything, I would write on this blog to help me. This blog helps me open up to myself, and open up to God. It's not always easy, being vulnerable, but it's God's strength that helps me. No glory belongs to me, but to the one and only God, for I am a sinner and not worthy to stand on holy ground.

Through everything that's happened in my life, God helped me. He is patient, even when I act stubborn. He is good when there is nothing at all good in me. He is strong, even in my weakest days. His love is real. No matter what you may be going through, He is here, in this room with you and He's reaching out his hand saying ," Come my little child, taste and see that I am good." It's going to be the hardest and narrowest path you ever took, but it's going to be worth it. He's going to be with you every step of the way, even in those days where it feels like you can't see Him. Tell Him how you feel. Let Him know what's going on in your heart. God is the maker of everything, from atoms to kidney beans, to zebras to our very human heart, yet He has nothing better to do then spend some time with you. It's by His grace that we're all here. He's created you with unique talents and features and loves you very much. He's created you to be a child of promise and prosperity. Just look at you! Your beautiful both inside and out, made in the image of our Father. Your talented, no matter what medium it may be. God literally knit you in your mother's womb and He personally put a touch on who you are. There is no one that can fill His body like you can. Made uniquely by our Father's hand, He wants you back. No matter how far you've traveled off road, He knows the home in your heart. Look at God's chosen ones. They took what was supposed to be an 11 day journey, into a 40 year journey. God is calling you into an all in relationship with Himself. Will this be call that you'll leave to Voicemail, or pick it up saying,"I've been expecting your call."?