Note: Picture was from last year's choir group I participated in.
My whole life I have loved to perform. I feel important and happy when I open my mouth and sing fluent notes. As a high school freshman, I've had a hard time finding myself. It's hard to stand out when you are conformed to a mold. I grew up with five other siblings with whom I love, but their footprints etch into what I am expected to be. I may not be the smartest at math or the most excited about P.E, but for once in my life I feel like I can be finally be myself. I am me when I sing. It's not conformed to a certain style, though sometimes you fit the style of the song. I learn about myself when I sing, and I can finally come to grasp with the person I am becoming through methods of song. Choir is my heart's desire, what keeps me sane throughout the day. It's in that single class that I finally can become myself. It's only forty minutes a day five days a week, but in that time I grasp more knowledge than five other classes full of education. I don't sing because I'm happy; I'm happy because I sing. It's through song that I can become myself, and accept the things going on in my life. It makes me feel like I can finally do something right for once.
I am an athlete. I run like it is my second nature. In running, I finally have time to talk to God and be real with my emotions. Sometimes its a good thing, other times not so much. The same God in Heaven that gives me life also takes my breath away, and I love looking at His creation as I run. The endurance needed to run is insane, but I feel powerful overcoming my tired self. The last few weeks have extremely challenged my faith and made me stronger. I have lost all, but gained all through Christ. Through running I have the confidence to conquer anything. Hurdles? Bring it on. Long jumps? Come at me bro. Running the bleachers five times? No thank you, I am still sore from yesterday's run ;)
It makes me sad to see how many of my friends from last year have changed. I think the main thing that hurts is my etched memory of them, and the reality of who they are now. High school has changed people - some in a positive way, others in a negative way. I've changed, and certain events have put me under the crucible and formed me into the person I am today. I wish I knew who to trust now and days. It's not fair to say everyone, but certain people have shattered my trust. Yet God always sends me the beautiful conviction to what? Love them. Do they hurt your feelings? Do they make you want to cry? Do they make you feel worthless? Love is what conquers all oppositions, trials, burned bridges, hurt, and shame.
To end this blog and my countless thoughts, I leave you with my new favorite song. "I need a hero" from the 2011 movie Footloose. Of course, no copyright infringement is intended, and all rights belong to their respective owners.
James 1:12
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."
