agape sacrifice.

Recently I've had a lot of moments that have really tested my faith. Vocal injuries, news about people dying, and drama have been common news to me. I found myself depressed, and if you know me, I don't like being sad. I like to be joyful. 2011 has been a hard year for my porcelain heart, but I've learned many things along the way. But most importantly, I am realizing how beautiful God's sacrifice is that He made for us.

I love the fact that God came into the world as a human to save us from our sins. He could have been adorned with perfume and beads, but chose a dirty birth in the manager, a life of humility, and compassion towards what society called rejects. When I think about it, God coming into the Earth as a baby really wows me. That's an unfathomable generation gap, yet He looked past that and loves on us like never before.

On Monday at Generate we spent about 15 minutes on our knees. It was lifechanging. We prayed and begged the Spirit to come, praying so hard that tears fell to our eyes and sweat to our foreheads. We raised our arms, ready to receive the gift God gave us. It was a very emotional night, standing in awe of the Lord and remembering that agape sacrifice God made for us.

Jesus came into the world to save us of our sins. He could have stayed in Heaven with God, with angels at His side and everything He could ever need or want, but He chose to die for us. It wasn't a peaceful death either; it was a humiliating death, one that only the Least of these would get. It was a death for criminals, but He was innocent. The soldiers tried to kill Him, but death couldn't hold Him in.

When you think about it, Jesus' sacrifice is incredible. He did it only because we are His Children and He loves us. When I was little I had a Cabbage Patch Kid doll. Looking at Jesus' sacrifice compared to my little doll, there is no way I would die for it, let alone get hurt for it. Yet Jesus saved us because He simply, loves us.

I remember facing an era in my life where I was just covered in shame. Memories of who I used to be and Satan telling me I was never good enough constantly flooded my mind. I felt so unworthy that He would die for me, Julia the sinner. I deserved to be on the cross. But the thing is that Jesus didn't die so that we are covered in shame, but He died so that we can be set free from religious complacency, set free from guilt, shame, hurt, slander, and bondage. He died so that we can be born again, into a new life.

It's interesting how the Bible talked about being born again. I was reading John last night, and I was reading His first miracle: Water into Wine. In the story, Jesus literally turns water into wine. The way He did it is very interesting. First He instructed that they fill the bucket with water. Later in the book of John, He explains that He is the Living Water. We need to be filled and constantly in His Word to experience a new life with Him. Next He tells them to draw out the water. We need to draw out all our sinful desires and get rid of them. We can't serve two masters,sin and God. Somethings gotta change. Then after the water turned into wine, they looked into the bucket and was amazed at this transformation. I know one day God will be looking into me, and my prayer is that He sees the amazing transformation that is taking place.

If you are in a state where depression and anxiety are constantly eating at you, I want you to know how beautiful you are to Christ. His Spirit is constantly praying for us and weeps for us. He is here and you don't have to go through life alone. I know how hard life can be, but something I also know is that God has a way of causing everything to work together for good. You are more than the scars. You are more than the hurt. Tonight is the night where you can be freed from hurt and into God's arms.