the storm.

It's depressing to think about how fast things change. It's almost as if my life has revolved around this storm, where the thunder consistently rumbles and the rain keeps pouring down on me. I want to go home and get dry, but it feels like I lost the way home. So I'm out here, waiting for a climax of something better. I need to get real with myself and stop pretending to be someone else. I am growing up. My life isn't all teddy bears and rainbows anymore. If you look at me and judge me on how I look, you'd see a blond haired, blue eyed, bubbly teenager. But if you look at me in the inside, well, that's what I am afraid of. You'd see depression. You'd see selfishness. You'd see a hunger of just knowing I did something right for once. I try so hard to be smiling and laughing, but on the inside I am hiding tears. I just want to be okay.

 

I feel a lot like the girl in this video. Wanting to come to Jesus, but held back by the strangles of the world. Feeling like I'm not good enough.

Feeling depressed.

Knowing this isn't what my life is supposed to be.

I'm hungry for something more. Hungry for hope. Hungry for humility. Hungry for restoration to my overworked soul. I want Jesus. I need Him now more than anything. I know a lot is going on in my life, but God is intervening. He is showing me the light out of this. He is holding me in His Hands, the very Hands that created me, you, and the world around us, was pierced for me, and captured me soul. 

I'm in the storms right now. But it brings me comfort that I have God holding an umbrella over me right now.

I love you Jesus. <3